Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
