Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
