why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
