I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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