Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will be naked everywhere
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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