i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
