I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize