where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize