it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
