So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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