All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
