I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
