I wish my penis had an off switch
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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