Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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