xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
