terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
