I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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