Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There r osticjed everywhere
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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