based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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