Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
