it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
