she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
