also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
