Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Buhtt sex?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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