jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
