he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
