oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
