this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
