we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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