Can Purell be used as lube?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
how does that bad decision feel?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
