I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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