dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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