so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
