My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I love you.
Bad choice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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