someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
