this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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