I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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