I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
