I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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