You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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