What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
