I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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