I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I understand Curling. That high.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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