so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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