Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I supernannyed him into submission
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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