I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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