Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
