i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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