Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
