All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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