JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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