actually, I'm a sock model
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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