I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
