I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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