I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
