How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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