Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
