Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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