The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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