I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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