the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
