You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
