my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love having hate sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
